Ill Will
by Lostpharoah
Summary: L is pushing himself, working on the Kira Case. Justice must prevail, in his eyes. But, when his past and an illness test his strength, will he be rendered useless during the most important case of his life? Light/L, BB/L.
1. Exodus 1: May the Eyes Remain Open

ILL WILL

Author Notes: Well, I'm back. From quite a long hiatus here. Once in a while, you come across a series that really strikes a chord, really makes your mind work overtime, with characters that you just happen to love to a pretty great extent. And, that is what Death Note has done to me over the past year or so.

So, here I am, writing a Fanfiction, surrounded by my favorite sweet-loving detective, L Lawliet. Oh, and of course, my favorite pairing, Light and L.

I plan on this being a rather long story—Pushing at least twenty chapters, if not more, and perhaps a sequel.

Warnings? Only a few. Obviously, from what I said above, this story will be yaoi. Most of this will come in later chapters—for a while, it will be soft, fluff and the like.

My stories contain gratuitous amounts of Drama. If you're looking forward to that, good. Because I deliver.

Anything else...No, that covers it. Either way, enjoy the story! Reviews are always nice, especially these days.

Without further ado – **Ill Will**.

**Exodus One – May the eyes remain open**.

_"I know why the caged bird beats his wing,_

_Till its blood is red on the cruel bars;_

_For he must fly back to his perch and cling_

_When he fain would be on the bough a-swing;_

_And a pain still throbs in the old, old scars_

_And they palse again with a keener sting--I know why he beats his wing!_

_-Paul Laurence Dunbar, "Sympathy" _

He wasn't a morning person.

No one on the team could tell this, he understood. Dark eyes stared at the computer screen, with no signs of irritation or the will to curl up in a warm bed. That wouldn't be like him at all, to show those things. Moving his hand, with the other keeping its tight hold on the mouse, he brushed a few fingers over the strawberry cake on the desk beside him, each digit covered in whipped cream, as he brought them to his mouth, eagerly. Sugar was just as good as a bed—And he couldn't recall having nightmares while eating a piece of cake.

With the hand near his mouth, he had pulled the chain a bit, enough to warrant a glare from the one he was tethered to, purposely. Lights eyes bore into his own, and he realized that the suspect was more moody than usual, if his calculations were correct.

" I apologize, Yagami-kun. If you would move your computer a bit closer, then I wouldn't pull you every time I reach up. You are sitting too far away to merit comfort for both of us."

Light snorted, rolling his eyes. " Honestly, Ryuuzaki, why can't you just chain me to the desk while we are here? Wouldn't that be easier?"

" How do I know you wouldn't find a way to escape? I find it much safer to keep you attached to me."

Sighing loudly, on the border of being obnoxious, Light turned back towards the screen in front of him, with a multitude of tabs open in his browser, each showing a Kira worshiping site. It was the only lead he could think of—If Kira were as self righteous as everyone said that he was, he would have already made a website dedicated to himself. They had no other leads, aside from knowing that he was in the Kanto region—and millions lived within the area. That wasn't enough to go on, and Light was hoping that L had another trick up his sleeve.

Of course, L probably knew a lot more than he was letting on. It was just a hunch, but Light couldn't shake the feeling that the detective chained to him was even smarter than everyone gave him credit for.

And damn...That was smart.

Typing away, ignoring Matsuda laughing over something he had done the weekend prior, he attempted to block out all noise. Easier said than done—and with the chain constantly rattling, distracting as it was cold around his wrist, work was becoming less enjoyable, and far less accomplished. Stopping abruptly, he turned to L, not surprised that the other was still working just as hard as usual, continually typing, with only the tips of his pale fingers hitting each key.

Strange...Irritating.

" Ryuuzaki, lets take a break. You can't expect to catch Kira if you aren't working at full capacity."

" Speak for yourself, Yagami-kun. I believe that you are the one not at full capacity. I, however, am quite fine. If you need a boost, feel free to look in my refrigerator. There is probably something good to eat. I will even give you a piece of the new Chocolate-Peanut Butter fudge that Watari fetched for me yesterday. "

Getting more frustrated by the second, he bit his lip to keep from shouting obscenities at the other boy.

" I don't want sweets, Ryuuzaki. Listen, you haven't slept for four days straight, only eating sweets, and you say you are at full capacity? I don't buy it." Standing up, he took a step closer, keeping his voice down, so that the three other men currently in the office wouldn't hear. " You may be trying to impress these others, maybe trying to prove something, but you don't have to. Just an hour, thats all I'm asking. Then, you can come right back, and get your laptop, I don't care."

The words seemed to have at least a small effect, as the thin fingers quit typing. Waiting for a sarcastic remark, he stayed silent—but the remark didn't come. The fingers moved again to brush against the sweet in front of him, grabbing a strawberry and popping it into his mouth. After swallowing, he looked up at Light, eyes the same blackness he was used to seeing, nothing, as if he were speaking to the living dead.

" One hour, Yagami-kun?"

" One hour. Promise." Raising his arm, he allowed a small smirk to cover his face. " And if you really feel like coming back, work up the strength and pull me here. I know that you wouldn't allow these cuffs to come off, even during break." The words were hopeful, as if he thought L would consider it.

" And if you are Kira? An hour is quite enough time to kill dozens, isn't it?"

Guess not.

Standing slowly, the normal bad posture seeming worse on that Monday, L's bare feet hit the carpet, unconcerned eyes glancing at his primary suspect. " To my quarters then? I suppose you won't want to go out like this."

" Would you?"

That smirk. " I wouldn't like to go out either way, Yagami-kun."

Not surprising. Light sometimes wondered if it was even humanly possible to be as pale as L was, almost transparent. But, if he liked being inside so much, it was certainly possible. Light had pulled a few all-nighters in his time, staring at a computer screen all night. He knew that the next day, he would have some bags under his eyes, but they would disappear when he went outside, and got some sleep.

The fact that L had those permanent bags and that skin tone meant that he had, without a doubt, lived his life in front of computers, and had shunned away from the sun.

'_ It's like being chained to a damn vampire_.' The teen reached up and ran his fingers over his neck. . _'No bite marks. Looks like I'm lucky so far_.'

Pushing the macabre thoughts out of his head, he realized that they had reached the room, L leading the way in his normal, slow gait, each step well thought out. Light wondered to himself if the detective even knew how to be spontaneous—how to just do things on a whim, without worrying. Though, the fact that he wouldn't even reveal his real name was an indicator that that wasn't the case.

He hated the man more every second, his habits pushing the envelope, so out there that Light questioned the others humanity.

Hell, could things get any stranger? Someone was killing people without direct contact, and he was handcuffed to a man that sat with his knees against his chest (claiming that it only increased his reasoning), only lived on sweets (yet seemed to be healthy), and looked like he had been raised away from the light of the sun. His life had been thrown into such a turmoil, such a change, that he felt like he was suffering from jet lag.

Annoying.

L had pulled him over to the couch, sitting in the position that he was so known for, chin resting on his knee, eyes gazing at nothing. The room, though they were L's private quarters, were just as sterile as the office that they had come from, no decoration, nothing to give Light any insight on the mans hobbies, aside from chasing murderers and maniacs. Though, maybe that was all L did.

If that was so, he needed to take 'Ryuuzaki' to a movie or something. Hobbies were good, they were different than work. Distracting. And maybe thats what L needed.

Though, he wasn't just going to ask. He already knew what the answer would be.

Sitting on the couch himself, leaning back against the cushions, and letting out an exhausted sigh, he gazed up at the ceiling, not realizing how deafening the silence was. L, however, didn't like the fact that the two were alone in a room, even if Light was too tired to attack him. The possibility that Light was Kira was changing every day. Sometimes, he would say something so seemingly incriminating that he wondered why the boy hadn't yet been arrested. Other times, he would seem so genuinely kind, that L was ready to unlock the cuffs, and let the other go without a second thought.

Confusing.

Twiddling his feet, curling the toes around each other, and staring at them with interest, he felt strange. Not bad, but actually peaceful. Maybe it was the quiet that he could accredit to that, without the sound of his own fingers hitting a keyboard. He glanced at Light, curiously, seeing the other look comforted as well, that same peace spreading throughout the room.

" Yagami-kun?"

The boy looked at Ryuuzaki curiously, almost surprised to see the big eyes staring back at him.

" Yes, Ryuuzaki?" As the words left his mouth, he glanced over the others form, almost panicked by what he realized. " You look pale."

The detective smirked. " Stating the obvious. Sometimes, I wonder if you are as smart as the Japanese schools say."

Blushing darkly, angrily, he shook his head. " That isn't what I mean. You look more pale that usual."

Bringing his thumb to his mouth, he bit it slightly, gazing at the other. " Is that worry I sense in your voice, Yagami-kun?"

Growling in the back of his throat, he turned away. " Not at all. I just can't have you sick during the investigation. It would be a pain. Not to mention that we are so close, I would probably catch whatever illness you had."

" I don't get sick."

The words were quick, and in a tone that he wasn't used to hearing from the reserved sweetavour. Turning curiously, he saw the others head down, hair conveniently covering his eyes. All Light could make out were tightly pursed lips.

Was this a nerve that he had struck?

" Fine, you don't get sick. Sure." Chuckling cruelly under his breath, he whispered his next words, which were easy to hear in the quiet room. " You don't get sick if you aren't human."

That did the trick. Looking up at Light, those wide eyes making him feel like he was drowning. The words weren't so off par, were they? Normal people didn't act like L did. Normal people sat in a chair, with their feet on the ground. They ate a well balanced diet, and slept when they were tired.

That was human nature.

Whatever L did...That wasn't. That wasn't human nature at all. That was something foreign, that he didn't know how to deal with. And he was pretty sure no one else knew how to deal with it either.

L wasn't talking. Honestly, today, his expectation for smart remarks were being let down. Though, his eyes were actually reacting. There was something there that wasn't there before, something shining, almost moist. Not tears, he wouldn't let himself cry, Light knew that. But it was something powerful none the less.

That paleness was now met with a blush on the others cheeks. Seeing color in L's face would usually be something that he considered healthy—But this didn't seem that way at all.

He didn't like tension. And now was the worst time to have it, as they were chained together. He needed to make nice, or at the very least, make it not a hurtful situation for either of them.

" I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki. That was cruel."

The words sounded fake to his ears, even though he truly did mean them. Whatever he had said was cruel, cruel enough to actually enlist a reaction, however minuscule, from the normally stoic detective. L only nodded his head, turning away.

" Yes, Yagami-kun. It was."

His voice was soft and actually bordering on having some emotion. Moving a bit closer to the detective, he moved to put a hand on the others forehead.

Not the best idea.

A hand reached up, slapping Lights hand away, not exactly in a cruel way, but more in a frightened way. Looking at the other in confusion, he saw a look of terror in the others eyes, something worrisome.

" I was only going to see if you had a fever."

" I just told you, I don't get sick."

The irritation was coming back at full force. And now, he wasn't in the mood for it. Reaching down, he gripped L's wrist tightly, moving his hand to the others forehead.

It wasn't hot, he could tell. It felt normal enough. Struggling, L pulled away, scuttling to the very edge of the couch and staying there. " I'm fine."

Nodding, Light shrugged. " I guess so. No fever. Maybe you don't get sick. That would just get in the way, wouldn't it? Like sleeping." An idea struck him quickly. " Why don't you take a nap?"

" Why would I do that? I'm ready to get back to work. You're the one who said that you needed to rest."

Fed up with arguing, he began to walk towards the bed, giving Ryuuzaki no choice but to follow him. It was only a few feet away.

They didn't make it.

He heard a thump behind him. Figuring that L hadn't stood up and begun walking in time, he turned to berate him, to say 'I told you so', for not undoing the handcuffs before someone got hurt.

That wasn't the case at all.

L was on his knees behind him, holding his head with both hands, gasping for breath. A sense of panic running through him, Light leaned down next to him, not knowing what to do.

" Ryuuzaki, whats wrong?"

He tried to keep the horror out of his voice. But it was impossible, with seeing someone so strong on a daily basis, on the ground, in obvious pain.

But, of course, he would never get a straight answer from the man. After a few moments, L lowered his hands, glancing up at Light with the same eyes—yet, they seemed unsteady.

" I'm fine, Yagami-kun. Maybe I just stood up too fast, and it gave me a headache."

" A headache so bad you collapse? I doubt that." Gripping L's arm gently, ignoring the others obvious discomfort at the act, he led him to the bed, pushing him onto it.

" Yagami-kun, there is work to be done--"

" I'm calling Watari, and telling him that you can't work right now."

L opened his mouth to protest, eyebrows furrowed in obvious anger and humiliation, but Light already had the phone to his ear, speaking into it.

" Watari? Do you think that you could tell the others that L is unable to work for the rest of the afternoon?" There was an obviously paniked voice on the other side. " He seems unsteady, just collapsed a bit from what he claims is a headache. I'm making him sleep."

Watari was quiet on the other side for a few moments, peaking Lights interest.

" I'll be right up, with his medicine. Tell him that." With that, the old man hung up, leaving Light curious. 'His' medicine? As in, something that L normally took? All he ever saw was L eating sweets, never any pills or syrups.

Looking back at the man, he told him that medicine was on its way. A furious blush worked its way onto his face, before his eyes closed almost as if it were staged. Falling back against the pillows, he lay, in a state of unconsciousness. And instead of panicking, Light only smiled.

" If this is what it takes to make you sleep, its worth it."

It seemed to be horrid timing, however, as Watari showed up only a few seconds after, opening the door and rushing in at a rather fast speed for someone his age. In his hands were three bottles of pills, each unmarked.

" Is he..."

" He just kind of fell asleep. Unconscious. It isn't a fever, I already checked. He isn't warm at all."

Watari nodded slowly, putting the pills down on the table, and looking at L with worry. Reaching out, he adjusted the other so that he was laying on his side. " Don't let him lay on his back, if you can help it. If you do, he wakes up extremely sore, and we don't want that."

Light nodded gently, confused as to how the other knew so much. Of course, he was L's closest confidant, it seems...Or he had been, before they had been chained together.

" When he wakes up, give him one pill out of each of those bottles. If he fights you, you must insist. He needs them, when he gets like this."

He had questions, that was obvious. But Watari only shook his head, smiling a sad smile.

" Take care of him, for now. He needs someone to talk to, when he wakes up. This isn't an easy time."

And with that, he was gone.

And Light was alone with the detective, and quickly decided to take a nap himself. He didn't want to stare at the other while he was knocked out.

Yet, even as he crawled into bed, pushing the other onto the proper side, he found it impossible to look away.

' _What's wrong, L_?'

**End Exodus One**.

Well, how was it? For a first chapter, just setting things up.

What is wrong with L?

What isn't Watari saying?

Find out in Exodus Two – The wind blows too cold.


	2. Exodus 2: The Wind Blows Too Cold

**ILL WILL**

I have returned, quickly, as many of you have shown support for this fic, and are curious about what is to come. I will tell you that my notebook is full of ideas, most of which will play out in a lovely fashion. My ideas about L's childhood, why he is the way he is, are rather different—perhaps that just how my mind is. I am going to try to pace the fic properly—as I stated earlier, I am going to try to make it quite long. So, don't worry about that. I'm not planning on giving up on this one. Way too many plot bunnies in my head, ne?

I'm considering a certain L-Impersonating Super-Criminal to make some kind of appearance in this fic...Many surprises to come, don't worry about that. Many things about L are going to be discussed. Because I like thinking about why he is the way that he is.

I just happen to love cliffhangers.

I have decided that the story will be 24 chapters, and an epilogue. Perhaps a sequel, if its popularity continues.

If you do not know who BB is, I suggest you find out.

Enjoy.

**Exodus ****2** : **T**he **W**ind **B**lows **T**oo **C**old

_"I was angry with my friend:_

_I told my wrath, my wrath did end. _

_I was angry with my foe: _

_I told it not, my wrath did grow. _

Light had never realized exactly how quiet night time could be. Of course, that was most likely explained by the fact that L was usually typing away, working past most human limitations. It didn't matter what time it was—Two in the morning, six in the evening, four in the afternoon—he was working on that damn laptop.

He was starting to hate computers. More accurately, he was starting to hate the keyboard. He wasn't aware that the noise of ones fingers on the tiny keys could start to sound like nails on a chalkboard. Though, in L's case, it was different. He would never touch the keys fully, just use the very tips of his fingers, still typing faster than he had seen anyone type, with little breaks.

Someday, he would chuck it out the window. Or, at least at the detectives head.

These thoughts did send Light into a slumber, though it was in and out for the most part. Sleeping next to L was difficult in itself. Even though he was glad to see the sweeteater finally asleep (even though it really wasn't of his own freewill), he had become so accustomed to the annoying click click click of the keys, that the silence was making it more and more difficult to really get a grasp on any worthwhile sleep.

Funny, how he complained, got what he wanted, and still found a reason to complain. Maybe that was a trait he should work on.

It was unusually dark in the room as well, without the light from the laptop. He wondered if the other man saw computers in his dreams, when he did take his little catnaps. How could he not? Though, maybe L didn't dream at all. He didn't seem like the type to see beaches and unicorns when he closed his eyes. He probably just saw black, like a reflection of his eyes, back of his eyelids like mirrors. Light sighed loudly, turning over to see L, still in an unconscious state. Seeing the detective without his usually emotionless computer glare was nice—actually, in sleep, L seemed to have more emotion than when he was awake. He could have sworn that he heard noises from L's side of the bed, but that wasn't for him to look over and witness. Did the other actually sleep?

Frightening.

Those big black eyes weren't staring back at him. And that made all the difference.

Black eyes...That couldn't be normal, in any sense. Black, with another color, aside from Grey. His were so dark, that he couldn't see himself in them. That was frightening in itself.

But maybe that was what happened to a person who cared only for their profession, and nothing else. L was after Kira—end of story. Whether he was just against murder, or whether the case hit closer to home, Light didn't know. Come to think of it, he hardly knew anything about the detective, aside from the strange and irritating habits the other displayed, and the constant, almost scripted dialogs they had. L spoke in such a strict manner, that sometimes he felt like he was speaking to a dictionary. Dictionaries, that could give paper cuts without trying, and who put words together expertly.

Closing his eyes again, he was actually able to get a bit of rest. Enough to dream. But not enough to understand what it meant. He wished for once that he could have those dreams that didn't really needed to be explained—like getting a new toy, or seeing family. Not things like this.

Things that actually caused a shiver to run down his spine.

_"And it grew both day and night, _

_Till it bore an apple bright, _

_And my foe beheld it shine, _

_And he knew that it was mine."_

---ʢʞ---

_This wasn't Japan. _

_In fact, aside from the rustling of leaves that he heard, and being able to breath, he didn't believe it was Earth at all. No place was so desolate. Deserts would be more welcoming. The problem wasn't the ground._

_It was the sky. _

_Heaven couldn't exist, and this world was proof. No birds flew, no clouds, no blue oasis above his head. Dark didn't describe it, didn't do it justice. This was something far worse than he could describe. _

"_This is __Kira's__ world." _

_Light turned, his heart stopping in his chest, as the pure silence was broken by the voice, low and sultry. It was impossible to see who was talking, with the current conditions, no moon in the sky, no stars, no lights on the ground either. __Suffocating blackness.__ Breathing was a chore, as if the sand that should be on the ground were instead frozen around him, thick and unforgiving. _

_This was worse than hell. _

_Light wasn't __Kira__, and he knew this beyond a shadow of a doubt. The fact that this would be the world under __Kira's__ rule wasn't so hard to believe. Killing wasn't right, even if the killer found a way to justify it. It was insanity. __Insanity that would leave to children breathing this horror, and not being able to see their families._

" _Are__ you frightened?" _

_He hated to admit it, but part of him was. It was like being trapped in a closet, when he couldn't find the light. _

_It would take torture of the worst kind to make him admit that, though._

_Remaining silent, he started to take a few steps towards this person, this being, with the dangerous voice. _

_Not being able to see the hand in front of his face was frustrating, but knowing that there was someone in his midst that could easily do anything to him, was worse. Being left wide open was something that he tried to avoid, especially in __todays__ world, with killers on the loose, and no way of knowing who was friend and who was foe. _

" _Who__ are you?" _

_Silence.__ Of course, he didn't expect an answer, not in this place. Yet he couldn't stop from getting more and __more angry__ as the seconds ticked by, and he heard nothing. _

_Harshly, he stepped forward, grabbing the person wherever he could—it felt like his shoulder, and as his nails dug into the skin of what he knew now to be a human, at least, a sense of foreboding overcame him. _

_Bright._

_Why was it bright all of a sudden? _

_This person in front of him...He could see a silhouette, but that was all. _

_That hair, that untamed hair, the height, the build, the very aura he was getting...L? Was this L, in this horrible place? He looked at the person, trying to decipher whether or not his hypothesis was correct. _

_Red eyes._

---ȾɁ---

_"And I watered it in fears_

_Night and morning with my tears, _

_And I sunned it with smiles, _

_And with soft decietful wiles."_

Eyes snapping open, taking a large amount of air into his lungs, Light sat up quickly, glancing around the room and making sure that the dream wasn't factual. With all the strange things happening, it wasn't too far fetched.

Why had he seen those things? Couldn't have been L...because that would mean that of all the things he could dream about, he was dreaming about the stuffy detective that he was stuck to.

Disgusting.

Chain jingling on his wrist, he glanced down at it, curious, because of the fact that he was sure he didn't pull it.

And he hadn't.

_Click, click, __click_The keyboard sounded just as irritating as he had previously thought. And L's position, hunched over it, was the same as it had always been.

" L...What the hell are you doing?"

The detective didn't look up, as was usual when he was busy doing whatever it was he did during work hours (which was always.) Light didn't merit a glance, most times, which was just as infuriating as it sounded.

"What does it seem like I'm doing, Light-kun? Working, of course. Kira isn't going to catch himself."

The same smart ass response as always. Seemed like L had healed from whatever it was had ailed him the night before. Except...

That voice didn't sound quite right. Not as untouchable, maybe.

" As much as I know you would just love to pretend that I didn't see you collapse yesterday, I can't exactly let you. You need to sleep."

" I didn't collapse, Light-kun. I sat up too fast, got dizzy, and fell. And I realized I was a little tired, so I went to sleep--"

" Don't bullshit me."

L fell silent. His constant work wouldn't be interrupted just because of vulgarity, however, and it only took a few milliseconds for him to keep on typing, ignoring Light as much as he could, given the constant six foot maximum distance between them.

That was all it took.

Gripping the laptop quickly, he pulled it away from its resting spot in front of the genius, easily pulling it out of the others weak grip as he tried to pull it back.

" Light-kun--"

" No, Ryuuzaki. Sleep."

" I don't think that I sh--"

" I don't care what you think. Sleep."

L seemed horribly frustrated, but didn't know how to express it, which wasn't a shock. Standing up, he began to drag the other to the kitchen, only causing Light to start to complain instantly. The detective was having trouble, seeming to be slouching more than usual, tripping over his own feet. He flung the refrigerator open loudly, pulling a piece of cake out quickly, and beginning to eat it with his fingers.

Though L loved cake—that was common knowledge—this wasn't right. In a normal day, L would make Watari bring him sweets, or he would get it, put it on a plate neatly, and stack sugar, or little houses made of strawberries, or something slow and precalculated.

But this wasn't normal. L just stuffing his face like this wasn't right, it was almost like seeing a different person.

After staring for a moment in disgust and curiosity, he sighed loudly, taking the plate away and glaring at the smaller boy. " Don't eat it like a wild animal, get a fork, at least. I didn't think even you were capable of being so disgusting."

L seemed confused, about the others outburst. " I didn't think that you cared about my manners, Light-kun. Kindly give me the cake back. I'll use a fork if it pleases you."

Grabbing a fork from the drawer, and grabbing the strawberry cake from the boy beside him, he made his way to the bed, sitting down on it, and eating just as greedily.

Unable to shake the feeling that something was off, Light sat beside the other (as if he had a choice), and spoke to him softly. "How did you sleep?"

" Fine."

A one word answer...well, better than nothing.

" Dream about anything?"

"I don't dream, Light-kun. Too many things can come up in dreams."

He ran a hand through his hair angrily. "You can't choose whether or not you dream, Ryuuzaki. You have to have some dreams."

"Did you dream, Light-kun?"

That was a sore spot. Memories of what he saw in his sleep were starting to fade, as they usually did, but that last look wasn't something that would just dissapear. Red eyes...maybe an omen? It couldn't be a memory of someone. People didn't have red eyes. Just in fairy tales and scary stories.

"Just some weird things. Nothing serious. Dreams aren't serious, Ryuuzaki."

"Nightmares are, Light-kun."

He hadn't realized that the other had taken his laptop back, and was typing again. But he didn't have the energy to take it away this time. Maybe the laptop was like a security blanket to L? Though, nowhere near as soft.

Hearing a soft knock at the door, he glanced up, seeing Watari entering without a second thought. It didn't surprise him—Watari was always welcome, as he seemed to be the only one L would open up to. But why? Why someone like Watari, who didn't speak back...?

Maybe that was the reason. He wouldn't be judged.

" Good morning Ryuuzaki, Light. I hope you both slept well." As the man spoke, he was looking worriedly at L, who only looked up for a brief moment to acknowledge the elderly man before him.

"Fine, Watari. What is it that you need?"

The words were cold, at least to Light. But it went on, without any hard feelings. Did normal people, normal friends, speak so cruelly to each other? Wouldn't a nice, 'How are you' be better than just ignoring the others existence all together?

But he wasn't L. He was better, he had to be.

" I came to see if you had awakened...I was a bit frightened, as was Light." At least they had included him. He had been scared—to see someone as tough and unfeeling as L, falling down and into a sleep, wasn't something that could just be brushed off.

Something happened. But he didn't know what.

" Ryuuzaki...As you two are chained together, you have become quite close, and I do not mean that only in physical proximity, to be sure...I need permission to speak about a rather private matter, in front of both of you."

L seemed to be thinking it over, but he didn't answer for a fair amount of time. Light, in the meantime, was more and more interested in what was happening. Private things? How exciting...Maybe he would learn that L was a parent, or a psychopath, or a puppet.

All of those together?

" Watari...Light-kun is not being allowed out of my sight. Anything that you have to say to me, you can say in front of him."

The old man seemed shocked at that, but continued on without skipping a beat, dressed impeccably in suit and tie.

"As you wish. Ryuuzaki...The case in America, and in Britain, is being reopened. They have found new evidence, or so they say...Reporters cannot be trusted, of course. The news stations are not reporting on what it is that has been found, but I cannot say for sure. Shall I update you on the details when something new has been discovered?"

L's pale skin seemed to go a shade lighter, eyes going wide, and body starting to tremble.

What was this? What could have this effect, what could make L be this way?

" Please do, Watari...As soon as you can."

The man bowed, looking at L with a pity that was almost rude. Pity was the worst emotion that could be shown to anyone, especially someone as strong as L.

_'Did I just admit that L was strong? Look at him—he looks like he would lose in a fight against __Sayu_

That wasn't it...Not exactly.

' _Not__ physically strong, but mentally. Bastard sleeps once a week, if that, for only a few hours, and doesn't complain. That isn't something everyone can do.' _

Giving credit to L was a rarity, but the look on the others face was quickly disturbing him to a larger point.

"...Ryuuzaki?"

_Click, click, __click_

It occurred to Light that the typing began every time he bothered L with a question. Though he wasn't about to stop because of that.

"You just said that he could say anything in front of me. Is that because you trust me?"

" We are chained together. I don't see how it can be helped."

Brow furrowing in anger, Light leaned over to the other man, raising his voice enough to get his point across. "Is that all? What case, Ryuuzaki, you need to tell me. Is it the Kira case? Or is it--"

" Light-kun."

The name was spoken with such force, that Light moved away from the other, eyes widening at the pain in the others tone. This wasn't L. It couldn't be.

" Please. Do not push me, I am not in the mood at the moment. It is morning, shall we go to the office?"

It was sudden, and he knew that the other still wasn't well. But being stuck alone with the emotionless demon next to him didn't sound appetizing at all—maybe Matsuda would do something incredibly idiotic, for his entertainment.

It was worth trying for.

Nodding, he moved to get out of bed, keeping a close watch on the creepy genius out of the corner of his eye. If he fell, Light would catch him. And he found it hard to believe that the other was miraculously healed, after only a few hours of sleep. Something was going to happen...he could feel it in his gut.

Gripping his laptop against him, and walking at his normal gait towards the door, L opened it and allowed the other to follow, before safely shutting and locking it with a special card from his pocket. Wandering down the hall, the walk was rather boring—Light was too bothered by the others strange behavior (well, stranger) to talk, and L was obviously 'upset' about something, most likely whatever Watari had brought up.

He was very well versed on large criminal cases going on in other countries—but nothing came to mind that was centralized to both America, and Britain. Separate...?

There were more important things to do. He couldn't think about that—they needed to focus on Kira. If one average criminal killed ten people, then Kira could kill ten thousand. He was the biggest threat, the only threat that mattered.

Opening the door to the office, L wandered immediately to his computer without even acknowledging the others there—that same rude attitude that he was used to. He, however, was much more social—waving to his father, Matsuda, and Aizawa, and saying a slight 'Good Morning', he sat next to the moody detective, wishing more than anything that the other was less opposed to going outside. Offhandedly, he wondered how L would look with a tan.

Disturbing.

Switching on his monitor, he crossed his legs and waited for the logo screen to get moving. Matsuda was busy talking about some movie he had seen on television the night before, Aizawa was complaining about how more work should be getting done, and Soichirou was busy with paperwork. L was already working hard, or so it seemed, gazing through website after website.

He couldn't stand it.

"Ryuuzaki...What happened yesterday?"

That damn clueless look. "I told you, Light-kun. I stood up too quickly."

"And I told you already—bullshit. That doesn't happen, nothing that serious happened."

"Maybe I was just tired."

"That isn't healthy, damn it! When you are tired, you sleep—thats human nature."

"Maybe I'm not human."

He gave up.

That was always what happened—an argument. It was as if straight answers weren't available from L, not now, and not ever, not even if the subject were changed to something less personal.

About to retaliate, something was wrong. More than wrong—catastrophic.

Red lights were going off around the office, lights going off, computer screens flashing. Each one of the workers stood up in shock, all screaming out questions—except for L, who was as calm as he always was.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Security breach?"

And all of a sudden, the sirens stopped. And on each computer screen, an image flashed.

A young boy, with messy black hair, and big blue eyes. Pale skin, and circles under his saddened orbs. It couldn't be mistaken.

There was no one it could be, aside from L.

The words beside the picture were from a newspaper, dated September 24th, 1991.

12 year old boy, rescued from home after a lifetime of isolated captivity.

_'Had never seen another person, aside from his mother and father' _

_'Hardly fed.'_

_'Unable to speak.'_

Turning slowly to L, ignoring the gasps around him, the words of sadness, confusion, horror, he wasn't surprised to see the others face hidden, a cold chill seeming to emit from the detective.

"...Ryuuzaki?"

The computers flashed again.

The same font that they were used to seeing the letter 'L' in appeared.

"Hello, to all of you specialist police dogs. And to the lovely one that you work for. It has been a while, L Lawliet."

Two letters on the screen.

'_BB_.'

_"And into my garden stole_

_When the night had veiled the pole;_

_In the morning, glad, I see_

_My foe outstretched beneath the tree." _

_-William Blake, "A Poison Tree." _

* * *

Anyone surprised? 

That chapter was a little choppy—I do apologize. I have all the ideas written out, but it is hard to make this story flow right.

Thank you, to all who reviewed. I really do appreciate it, and promise that the story is going to get better and better.

Please, read and review. Hope you enjoyed.


	3. Exodus 3: A Test of Will

**ILL WILL **

Welcome back to Ill Will. My updates are kept as close together as I can manage, as I have quite the busy life, much as I hate to admit it. And, besides, cliffhangers are only fun if I leave you all dangling for a while.

**PLEASE READ: **I need feedback on my new plan for the story. Because the story is going to be 24 chapters, I believe this is the right choice. I have written a rather extensive background piece on L, and his childhood. I was thinking that every fourth chapter could be a flashback to his past, telling you more about him. **Do you like this idea? Would you like it every fifth or sixth chapter instead? **I won't do it unless I get some feedback from you, the reader. Just **let me know in your review. **

Thank you very much for reading that announcement, and I can't wait to hear from you.

Yaoi is coming soon, do not worry. But, as most of you probably guessed, Light isn't just going to fall for L right away. Well, maybe he has a little...

And Thank everyone who reviewed so very much. It really means everything to me. Apples for all of you!

Now, Read On!

_"Indeed I loved you, my chosen friend, _

_I loved you for life, but life has an end;_

_Thro' sickness I was ready to tend:_

_But death mars all, which we cannot mend."_

_-Christina Rossetti, "The Poor Ghost"_

฿฿

_  
The land was undisturbed in this place. Why would it need to be? For this was the land where those with great minds dwell. Those who were sinless due to their advanced thoughts. Those with no fear of the future, and with no fear of the power that each of them possessed. Of course, fear of the others were still very real. After all, in this world, the only one whom you could trust fully was yourself. _

_The voices of children weren't as loud and overwhelming as they would be in an average orphanage, because these children were already working for a purpose. A purpose that they were willing to trample each other to possess._

_Who would be L? L wasn't immortal. And when he passed, whether from old age, or from something more sinister, who would carry on that sacred name? Who would be high enough in intelligence and power to dare tread where he once did? To fight for the kind of justice most humans had already given up on. _

_Pure, perfect, safe, kind. A world of Shangri-La. A world better for the masses._

_An older man began to chase a young boy throughout the vintage halls of Wammys house, easily running out of breath, the boy laughing in a way that would make anyone shiver. After a rather sharp turn into the sleeping quarters, the man was easy to grip the boys shirt, holding onto him tight enough to keep him still. _

_As the boy turned around to glare at the founder of the orphanage, his youthful face was covered in a purple substance, and a jar of grape jam was clenched in his hand, a grip that couldn't be broken. _

"_What do you want, old man? I'm sick of you always following me when I'm minding my own business. You should learn to mind yours." _

_The boy was youthful, but obviously old enough to know how to act properly. And the fact that a rather large vase was broken in one of the older rooms of the house, and a child was crying down the hall because of his actions, showed that he wasn't following any rules—Not Wataris, and not his own values, if he had any. _

" _You should know better than this, Beyond. I can't have you constantly tormenting the children here, and always causing a ruckus. You should learn your place here, and--"_

_Beyond Birthday's face contorted in an almost demonic fashion, brightly colored eyes opening as wide as possible, bearing teeth, not bothering to wipe the sticky jam off of his face, and scratching Watari with all his might, on the back of the old mans hand, drawing blood. _

" _My name is not Beyond! My name is **L**, and you know it, you know that I am **L**!" _

_Ripping from the mans grip, he ran down the hall, in a kind of hysterics—Not crying, not yelling, but very quiet, with that same frightening look on his face. Misery, anguish, mixed with insanity. _

_Loneliness?_

_Bursting into the room where most of the children were playing, he managed to frighten all of them with his eyes, those bright red that made you think you were in a sci-fi movie. And when he spoke, it was so quiet, that a person had to strain to hear it. _

"_Don't any of you **dare** call me Beyond. My name is L." That smirk, that insane smirk. The children shook in fright, most anyway—a few were glaring with malice in their eyes, a kind of competition not yet won. But he spoke still, in the dead quiet of the room. _

"_My name is L Lawliet. And I am justice."_

₯₤₩

Calm had come back to the workroom—At least, a facade of calm, in the worried state of mind that its inhabitants had now been given by the transmission. A voice from the past, who had visited them with no warning, no safe zone, no way to run away, for it was right in front of their faces.

"_Hello, to all of you specialist police dogs. And to the lovely one that you work for. It has been a while, L Lawliet."_

They typed. They copied. They spoke amongst themselves about meaningless things—television, popular culture. They tried to distract themselves from what had occurred, from the malice filled words that laced the mans speech, even through the computer. Those bright double B's still burned in their minds, so reminiscent of the ones that they were used to seeing—though theirs were less frightening. Theirs were of L. The one they all trusted with blind views.

"_Perhaps those of you who have been with the police for the past few years know me. I am Beyond Birthday—the one who you should call L."_

Light typed away, glancing through web page after web page dedicated to Kira. He looked for a clue, any clue, that could lead him to the one they were searching for. Because Kira was their primary target, wasn't he? He was the one that meant people were truly in danger, each and every second, until he was caught. Yet this one called BB, he threatened someone else. He threatened L. Only L. Kira killed thousands.

So why did he care more about finding BB?

" _I am contacting you vermin to give you a choice. The Kira case would be much better off, if I were in charge. And so, either you give L to me, willingly, or I will make sure to take him off your hands. I will assure you, gentleman, you do not want that."_

The detective was typing away, fingers brushing the keys as if afraid to cause them pain. Posture looking more curled than usual, as if trying to disguise himself, pretending that more was more of a phantom than a human. Which, in some ways, was quite true. Because his eyes were still the same black they had been, emotion either not there, or cleverly disguised.

" _If you give him to me willingly, I will return him, unharmed, in time. If you do not, I will return him—If I feel like doing so. Though, I cannot guarantee he will have all of his limbs." _

Yet even with the same bland look on his pale face, something was there. When he spoke to Matsuuda about a website he had found, it was absent. When he had spoken to Soichirou about some uncredible evidence, it was absent. When he spoke to Light, about the hard work that he had done,

there it was. Some kind of glitter in his eyes, some kind of look about his face, aura around his body, that expressed something, anything. Fear? Hesitance? Strength? Light didn't know, but it was something. And the fact that only he seemed the one able to see it, that meant more than anything.

But why? BB hadn't killed that many, compared to Kira. Only three, that he was aware of. Three lives was still enough to cause shock, yes, but it was only a scratch on the surface. Something else was amiss, yet he couldn't place it. He was after L. What had L done to him? Did he want money? Fame? Was that the only reason? Or did they have some kind of super-connected past?

"_Your 'base' of sorts was easy enough to crack into. Lets just say that I have a bit more power than you seem to think. I am already making quite an effect. You will notice it soon, I am sure. Make your choice. When you do, tell your leader to contact me. He knows how. Until then—Have a lovely day. You have one week." _

The transmission cut with a deafening silence, each left to their own thoughts. The image of L as a child—which was what they assumed it was—were such a far cry from the main detective they all knew and respected, that no one knew quite what to say. And so they stayed silent, vying to go back to their separate work, and pretend like nothing happened, to a point. But that could only last so long, because they had a week. One week, to decide. What would they do? What could they do?

Being chained to L, Light had the feeling that he bore the most responsibility in the situation. And even though the detective wouldn't admit it, the fact that he trusted him enough to have Watari speak to him in front of the younger boy was enough for him to believe that L trusted him. It didn't have to do with the handcuffs. That much he could read into.

" Ryuuzaki, should you be working right now? Its been a long morning, and--"

" No breaks, Light-kun. We wasted enough time yesterday."

Holding back a retort, he kept typing, his own fingers rather tough on the keys, banging on them as a way to get rid of excess stress and anger, much like a punching bag. Of course, getting a punching bag would probably up his chances of being Kira to fifty percent. He couldn't deal with 'Ryuuzaki' accusing him anymore. No one could understand it, unless they two were being accused of a crime they didn't commit. Something as large and encompassing as the Kira case.

L hit a few buttons on the phone, connecting him to Watari with no hesitation. "Watari, bring me cake. With plenty of strawberry's and whipped cream."

"Yes, right away, Ryuuzaki."

And a few minutes later, the cake arrived, just as decadent as usual, something that would make an average person gain five pounds just by looking at it. Eating it in his normal rude way, he licked the whipped cream off with his fingers, before using a fork for the cake. And looking at the fork as close as he could, it was a baby fork, with some television character on it, bright and colorful. That didn't really match Ryuuzaki's true personality. It was almost humorous.

Light didn't find it so easy to follow the detectives orders, especially when he was eating sweets with a baby fork. "As much as I would love to just work another three days straight, I think we need to discuss what just happened." He said this loud enough to alert the others, something that he knew was neccisary to scare the other into doing what he liked.

"I don't believe that is neccisary. I will take care of it, Light-kun."

Irritating.

" Like hell, Ryuuzaki! This guy is a murderer, and obviously he has some connection to you. And you think you can handle it, all by yourself? You aren't immortal!"

" There is no connection."

Light laughed, a harsh laugh, walking to Aizawas desk and ripping a file off of his desk, tearing out a mugshot and waving it in L's face. "Oh, really? Than what is this?"

The face in the picture was almost identical to L—But less soft, less easy on the eyes. The mans irises were a bright red, his face warped in an insane smile, his hair the same messiness, but adding to his obvious mental illness. Trying to be a carbon copy—and to most people, perhaps good enough. But not to Light.

"No connection? Than why does he look like you? Dress like you?" He slammed the picture down on the table, bringing his face uncomfortably close to L, voice a low whisper. "You need to let us help you."

The genius was silent for a moment, gazing at the picture with his mouth slightly ajar. Reaching out, he took another bite of cake, which only infuriated Light to a whole new level, as he took the laptop in front of the detective, and threw it on the ground, not knowing if he had damaged it or not. It didn't matter. This was the end. He needed to teach Ryuuzaki a lesson in being human.

No emotion. Even with his precious data on the line. What did this guy care about?

Inhuman.

Matsuda, Aizawa, and his father were all staring in various stages of speechlessness, until Aizawa, with his rather emotional side always unpredictable, spoke out. "Light, what do you think you are doing?" He walked over, hair looking as gravity defying as it ever did, and putting the laptop back on the desk. " Watch your temper. Ryuuzaki is your boss."

He hated being reminded of that.

Clenching his teeth, he spoke angrily. "Ryuuzaki, may I speak to you in private?"

" I don't know if I would like that, Light-kun. You seem quite angry, and I don't believe you would be speaking rationally. If you would like to calm down first, then perhaps I would consider--"

None of that. Light began walking towards the hall, forcing Ryuuzaki to follow him, due to the handcuffs. He didn't even resist, Light realized inwardly. Where were his loyalties, even in his mind? If he didn't want to do something, would he fight? Or would he give in, like a kicked dog?

No, he was stronger than that, even if he didn't want anyone to see it. There was more going on in the detectives mind than met the eye, that much was certain. And he wanted to find out. No matter what it took.

As soon as they were in the hallway, safely away from the workroom, Light turned, pressing the genius to the wall with a loud thump, and glaring at him. "Listen, Ryuuzaki, you need to understand that we are trying to help you. If you want to be stubborn, thats fine—but not when it comes to this. Do you want to die? This BB, do you want him to come get you, pull you away from this investigation, that you've put so much time into?" He bit his lip, getting more worked up over this than he had expected to. "You need to let us help you. You need to let me help you. Even if it hurts this huge ego you have."

He panted, exhausted from the tiny rant, still holding the other man against the wall. Only after a moment, did he realize the others eyes filled with a small glimmer of pain, trying to be masked behind the facade of his normal limitless gaze. Trying to pinpoint the cause of this, he saw that he was holding L flat against the wall, which meant that his spine wasn't hunched, as usual. Yes, that must be the cause of it.

Letting the other down with a half hearted apology, he turned away, embarrassed that he had reacted the way that he did. It just made Light angry to a large extent, that everyone wanted to divert their attention from the Kira case to protect L, someone who didn't seem to want help, be appreciative of it.

But, what did he expect?

L turned after a moment, curling his toes, staring down at them like they were the most interesting thing on the planet, like he had never seen them before.

"Light-kun."

"Hmm?"

Was that hesitance in the great detectives voice?

" I apologize if my behavior makes it seem as though my ego is as large as you claim it is. That is not the reason that I am hesitant to pursue this case any further."

Light turned, unable to help himself from grabbing the others shoulders, squeezing them tightly when he saw no emotion on the others face, even with a touch that he doubted L ever got.

" Then why, L?" He used the others true name, mistakenly, but the other didn't seem to notice. "Why are you so...nonchalant, when this maniac is threatening to come and take you away? And why, did you not show any emotion during his damn transmission?" Clenching his eyes shut, he turned away, pushing the other, but not enough to knock him down, despite how light he was. "When that picture of you came up—it was you, wasn't it? -- Why didn't you say anything? **Why**?"

" Because it does not matter."

He felt the chain being tugged, and assumed that the other was about to walk off, and was ready to level the other for being so rude and uncaring—But that wasn't the case. Instead, the detective was leaning against the wall, breath coming out in soft pants. Something wasn't right, because there was weakness in that posture. And L wouldn't dare show weakness.

"Ryuuzaki? Are you--"

" I'm fine. Come, lets get something to drink. I'm simply parched." Now came the tug, and he wondered if the bones in his wrist would snap under the pressure. The other had no problem with moving his body like a contortionist in many situations, but Light wasn't flexible. And his reasoning ability was just fine, no matter how he decided to sit.

But the way that Ryuuzaki had just spoken caused a red light to start spinning in his head, caused his guard to lower. Though the sugar demon could sometimes be intimidating—okay, more than sometimes—when he heard a slight tremor in his voice, that intimidation lessened, and Ryuuzaki seemed different. Human.

But was he? Or was he just a human body with no soul, a husk with something else inside all together?

Reaching their living quarters, the code was easy enough to enter, and the direction of the other seemed to be direct to the refrigerator.

_Buzz, Buzz._

His cell phone? Pulling it out of his pocket, he flipped it open, a tiny envelope at the top right of the digital screen a tell tale sign of a text message. Clicking the neccisary buttons, it opened.

The number was hidden, coming from Anonymous.

"_Don't eat all the Hakuto." _

Light stared at the screen for a few seconds, not knowing how to react. He knew that there was Hakuto in the fridge—L adored it, his favorite, next to strawberry cake—but who else would know it was there? Watari was the only one, or someone from the task force, but all of their numbers were stored, and would appear if he was texted from them.

Deciding to ignore something so seemingly random, he watched L pouring a glass of apple juice, and drinking it with a small gasp at the end, giving Light a tired smile. "Would you like some? It is rather delicious. Made from fresh Nagano apples. It is the right season for them, you know."

Holding back the reflex to roll his eyes, he shook his head. "They are too sweet for me."

The detective actually seemed saddened by the statement. Light decided it was because his lack of love for sweets actually upset L, something that he almost found insulting. If he differed from L, was he below him?

Being pulled to the phone, the hunched sugar fiend hit the speed dial button to call for Watari. He immediately asked for his laptop when the old man answered, and within the next two minutes, it had arrived, being placed in Ryuuzaki's hands, tenderly, as if holding a child.

Creepy.

Carrying it back to the couch, he sought out any damage (there was none, luckily) and began to type, a bit slower than usual. "I feel like working in here for the rest of the day, Light-kun. If you like, I can call for a laptop for you as well. Or would you like to rest?"

Something was very wrong.

Ryuuzaki actually _offering_ him rest?

Tongue tied for a moment, he declined the latter, seeing it as a trap. " A laptop would be nice, yes...We can't slack, if we want to catch Kira."

That damn smile, so rare and fleeting that Light thought he had imagined it. "That is very true, Light-kun." The action repeated, with L calling Watari, his lapdog, and having another computer brought to the room, which Light booted up on the couch beside Ryuuzaki. Waiting for the familiar welcome screen to end, he glanced over at the one curled up beside him, and caught sweat on the others brow.

Nerves? Tired? Both?

" Why didn't you want to work with the others, Ryuuzaki?"

"Sometimes, I focus more if I am here. It is a comforting environment to me." Light held back a laugh at that claim. The room had about as much personality as Ryuuzaki—and that wasn't much.

"I see." Waiting a moment before deciding to push the envelope further, he leaned back against the plush back of the white couch. "Who is BB? I mean, I know the case, obviously, but...who is he?"

Silence. More silence. He wanted to give up, and shake the other with all his might, but he didn't think he could force himself to do it, even if he wanted to—not with L looking so pathetic.

About to open his mouth to ask again, he actually got a response. "Do you really want to know, Light-kun?"

He nodded, looking like a fish, eyes wide, so desperate for the information, he was ready to strangle the detective to get it. Of course, he ignored the fact that if he did the, the other wouldn't be able to talk, but he would think about that more later. Chocolate eyes tried to gaze into obsidian ones, wanting an answer, a hint of an answer, anything.

"Those pictures of him, Light-kun, mugshots...What do you think of them?"

Light was taken aback. "I think...he looks exactly like you."

"Exactly?"

He paused, trying to summon up the pictures in his mind. "Well...Not exactly. He is taller, by a bit, and a bit heavier, but not much..."

"What is the biggest difference between us?"

Biggest difference? Aside from the fact that one had killed three people, and the other hadn't? The skin, the posture, so similar...What could possibly be such a huge difference?

It hit him, like cold water. "Your eyes. His...His were this eerie color, almost looking red. And yours are..." He lost his voice, it seemed. L's eyes were black, really, when you looked at them. No color, what-so-ever, like it had been sucked out with a vacuum. But those pictures of L, that had appeared on the monitor, his eyes had been blue. What could make eyes change colors like that.

L twiddled his thumbs, maybe waiting for a page to load—or maybe being involved in the conversation. "Thats right, Light-kun. BB is not of sane mind, as you might have guessed. I did know him, as a child. Know that if he became in charge of this case, he would try to solve it, this I know. He dresses as I do, acts like I do, because he wishes to be me, wishes to be in my shoes. If he cannot beat me through wits, he will defeat me in other ways.

He wished to be a criminal, because he wanted to commit a crime that I couldn't solve. He wanted to outsmart me. And he failed. His anger has consumed him over these years, I suppose. And now, he wants revenge. It is like him."

Light looked at the other in stunned silence. "But, L...I don't want a maniac like him heading this case. You are the only one who can."

Glancing at Light through blank eyes, a small smirk played on L's lips. "Why is that, Light-kun? Would you miss me, if I were gone?"

Irritating.

Light was about to give a stunning rebuttal, when he felt another buzz in his pocket. Pulling it out to check the familiar text messages again, as L went back to his typing, the message was once again from an anonymous sender, and was just as un-helpful as the one before it.

"_Turpis Occidio."_

He knew it was Latin, but that wasn't helpful. Wanting to search for the words on the computer, he refrained, wanting to keep these strange messages from L. These were things he really shouldn't bother with—because even if the detective wouldn't admit it, he was overwhelmed.

Ryuuzaki seemed calm, but the sweat on his brow was still there. Light knew better than to ask the other if he wanted to sleep. He would just get a passive aggressive reply, which would only set off his anger again.

The silence, with the key tapping._ Click, click, click. _

_Buzz. _

Until another text message came to life. Anonymous. And this time, Light was prepared for it. Prepared as he could be, mind running at maximum capacity, trying to figure out who would send such secretive and senseless messages. Who had his cell number? Who would give it out willingly?

Misa? No. She had no reason to. Anyone Light talked to, aside from her, was a victim of her jealousy.

His father, or the team? No, they would have nothing to gain from it. Sayu? His Mother? They didn't even know his cell number, not since he had been forced to get a new one. So who? Who would have the resources to get it?

Opening it, and beginning to read, he sighed angrily, luckily not drawing Ryuuzaki's attention.

"_Losing a worthless life isn't even troublesome." _

He gazed at it, in complete confusion. Which life? How was he supposed to solve these mysteries, when he had others to take care of?

Light wasn't the kind to lose, however.

Opening a word document, he typed out the three messages, one after another. Seeing them all on the screen before him would give him a better grasp. Ryuuzaki glanced over, seeing the younger boy so lost in thought.

"Light-kun?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you feel a bit dizzy? I have felt it for a few moments now, and it is quite unpleasant."

Light didn't glance away from the screen in front of him. "No, I'm not. Maybe you don't sleep enough."

The detective made a small noise. "I don't need to sleep, not much. I don't often get dizzy like this. And I do not get sick. So, I cannot imagine why."

Light was about to bring up the fact that the night before, the other had collapsed, first on the floor, then in bed, but before he could, the messages began to make sense. Mouth agape, he read them over, and over, seeing if his hypothesis was indeed correct.

"_Don't eat all the Hakuto." _

"_Turpis Occidio."_

"_Losing a worthless life isn't even troublesome." _

The first letter of each, when put together...

D-E-A-T-H.

T-O.

L-A-W-L-I-E-T.

As he tried to speak, tried to tell the other, one more message.

One more tiny envelope on his phone. But this one needed no secret message. It needed no explanation. It gave him the information he needed, immediately, finished.

"_There is a traitor in your midst. And they will make this come true." __

* * *

_

Hakuto is a Japanese style jelly, made from fresh white peach. A popular dessert.

Well, there is chapter three for you, as quick as it could come. I truly hope that you enjoyed.

And, if you didn't, go back and read my request at the beginning of the chapter. And, even if you don't have an opinion on it, please review.

ReviewsQuicker posts from me. Remember that.

Go out and support DN, by purchasing "How to Read:13" and "Another Note." Really. Both exquisite.

More to come.


	4. Exodus 4: Disguised as a Sheep

**ILL WILL**

* * *

Welcome back to this strange little adventure/romance, that is Ill Will. To those of you who have read so far, thank you very much for your interest in the story—And I promise you, this is just the beginning. Chapter length will be increasing, most likely, and we will be learning much more about the characters that so many of you know and love—Namely, L, and BB. 

Reviews are important, you know. Because I didn't get enough feedback on the 'L flashback' idea, I'm not sure what you, the lovely readers, want. I may have to take control back into my own hands, and just do what I wish with it—But I think that the reader is the most important thing to consider.

Starting with this chapter, the **rating is going up** to T/M. If you are disturbed by violence, torture, overly emotional outbursts or love between two same sex individuals, turn back now. That is your warning.

I understand that some things may differ from the story (Very little details.) I don't need you to tell me—That is why it is called fan fiction. The characters, plot, they don't belong to me, and while I am writing this, I will bend the details to my will.

With that, please enjoy. And remember—feedback is the key. Tell me what you want, and I'll make it happen.

Now, to the snow, to learn more about our favorite detective.

* * *

"_We wear the mask that grins and lies, _

_It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes, _

_This debt we pay to human guile;_

_With torn and bleeding hearts we smile, _

_And mouth with myriad subtleties." _

_Children running, laughing, smiling, safe from all their fears. It wasn't one of those horrible places in books, where children received no love or confidence, where they were forced to work, or locked up for being bad. This wasn't a frightening orphanage. Because those in this place could reason. They did not think that their parents had left—They did not think that their parents didn't want them. _

_Except for one child, who became so very well known, so very powerful in the eyes of others, that some would sacrifice their entire life to become like him, to try to reach that high. If he died, they would need another. And one of them would be chosen. As if that one life was replaceable. _

_While the other orphans would run around, play, speak about their interests, what they wished to do when they were all grown up, this messy headed boy would sit in his room, reading book after book, never speaking. If he did speak, it was one word—A simple 'yes' or 'no'. The only one to be able to get more than that out of him was the Headmaster himself. Watari. One who did not judge, and did not gossip. Only listened, and offered advice to the young ones. _

_And L was a special case. _

_The day was a quiet one, winter, but without snow. Air outside almost choking, the cold freezing a persons lungs, the wind only increasing the feeling of losing ones self in it. Wind as cold as this boys eyes. Unfeeling, uninterested, unable to understand those around him. What reason would he have to go and 'make friends?' He had never had any before. _

_Come to think of it, he had never met anyone, aside from his own parents. And that was years ago. Perhaps he saw them a few times a month, locked in his small room, when they would bring food to him. No child had eyes that were dark as the night sky, with no moon. It must be a bad omen, just a show of things to come. His eyes hadn't always been like that—No, no, no, that was impossible. When he was an infant, they were blue as the sea, bright and inquisitive. _

_So where did they go wrong? Where did the blue get sucked into a pit of sorts, left to rot and fester, until that shade faded, and became obsidian? _

_Watari wanted to know this. Because in that hidden information was the key to bringing this child back into society. The older man had a feeling that within this little ten year old boys mind was more potential than any other human could hope to possess. _

_And he wasn't wrong. _

"_What would you like to do today, L? We could venture to the library, would you like that? They have every book you could ever imagine, all in one place. You can get whichever ones you like." _

_Silence. That was something that Watari was getting used to. Though, he couldn't let it phase him. L had to work through this, and it certainly wasn't going to happen overnight. Not with what had happened to the boy. Idlely, he thought to himself that this could be the first time someone truly spoke to him in his entire life. Books were lovely, but they could not give someone the care that they needed. L had certainly tried. _

"_Or, we could watch some television? Would you like that? I know that you've seen one before...Or perhaps read about them? Fantastic things...We could find something interesting. About the World Wars? Or, about the French Revolution? I know you are interested in that." _

_Silence. Sighing in what could be seen as defeat, the man didn't throw in the towel just yet. _

"_Tell me, L, how do you feel today?" _

_It was a seemingly random question. But, if the boy answered, he would get something, a treat of sorts. And L knew that. The young boy was gazing at the floor, seeming to be trying to memorize the patterns of the carpet. Moments passed, a tense silence that could be cut with a knife filling the room. But that couldn't last forever, and L could be afraid of silence at times. Because silence grew other things—Mistrust, doubt, confusion. Why had he been kept alone so long? And why was this man trying to help him? _

"_...Fine. And how are you, Watari-san?" _

_That way of speaking, so polite, so soft, so careful, as if the boy was afraid to say something wrong. Smiling sadly, the old man nodded, knowing where L had learned how to speak in such a way unlike most children. _

_Books. Because those were all L knew. He had never been around people, he didn't know how to use average lexicon. This was from books, so proper, making him sound far older than his age. And perhaps he was, with the fading bruises still on his arms. _

"_I am fine, L. Now, for speaking so kindly, I shall give you a treat." _

_Strawberry Cake. _

_And from there, L's sweet tooth began. A prize, for simply speaking—for not being afraid. For going forward, and not looking so much at his lonely past. _

"_And, L? You may just call me Watari." _

_He never did. _

_Why should the world be over-wise,_

_In counting all the tears and sighs? _

_Nay, let them only see us, while_

_We wear the mask._

_† † †_

"Light-kun?"

After recovering the messages in his strange texts, he had become unaware of his surroundings, only being snapped back to life at L's voice.

"You've been staring at me for a few minutes. Did I do something wrong?"

Shaking his head quickly, he allowed his body language to say 'No, not at all.' What a strange thing to say though...'Did I do something wrong?' Why would he need to ask Light that? Light didn't tell him what to do, or at least tried not to.

"No, Ryuuzaki. I'm sorry, just have tons on my mind, and tired."

L couldn't help but smile at that, staring down at his computer screen. "Tired...You make me laugh, Light-kun."

Light wanted to point out that L wasn't laughing at all, and he had never seen a true, uninhibited laugh come from the other, but he wouldn't start something so seemingly cruel. He remembered not long ago, saying something along the lines of L not being human—and it hadn't been received well. Though, thinking about the implications, it was really no wonder. L was human, he supposed—He just _acted_ more like a machine.

Acted...That was the key to this. There was more to L than met the eye, but the detective would be damned if anyone got too far past the surface to see it.

Stubborn. How irritating.

Putting his laptop down with an irritated slam, he stretched, the chain on his arm not even bothering him in the least. At times, he just wanted to have super-human strength, and pull it off, telling L to shove his theories—Though, he knew that this was the only way he could be totally cleared. And that was the point now. Catching Kira, clearing his name. Though, for some reason, their new problem seemed much more important.

This bastard called BB, threatening L. If L died...

What? If L died, the mission couldn't continue? That wasn't true, and he knew it. Sure, L was smart, smarter than all of them—But if he died, the search for Kira wouldn't stop. So why did he care as much as he did? It would be nice to get rid of the sweet eating, non-sleeping, crime busting machine, wouldn't it?

Yet as he glanced over at the irritation again, he couldn't help but feel that his feelings were getting in the way of his logic.

_'Feelings? What feelings? This is L we are talking about here, there is no way...'_

A small gasp got his attention. Thinking that the detective had found something worthwhile, he turned, glancing at the others spotless computer screen. "What is it? Evidence?"

But it wasn't the computer that had made L gasp. His pale hand was over his heart, a few small gasps passing through his lips, pain in those normally emotionless eyes. Light, confused, gripped the others shoulder without thinking. "L—Ryuuzaki, what is it?" He hated to admit that he was scared—but it wasn't because of what the other was doing, it was what he was showing. For some reason, Light couldn't stand to see the others eyes showing anything but a blank slate. Seeing emotion...It made him feel like he didn't know L at all.

"I'm fine, just a strange feeling..." He kept breathing strangely, deeply, as if unable to catch his breath. Not putting up with his constant disinterest in himself, he stood up, grabbing the others arm roughly.

"Come on, you're sleeping. I don't care what you say, you can't keep--"

He was cut off, when he felt a sharp tug on the chain, one that ended up sending a wave of pain up his arm. Turning to tell the other to shove his work ethic up his ass, and start listening to his own body when it was telling him to relax, he found himself unable to speak. Actually, he was barely able to stand, seeing what he was seeing.

The eyes staring at him from the genius weren't black at all. They weren't that pool of oil that he was used to seeing, harsh and not allowing anyone in. They weren't pushing him away, for a few minutes in their strange, metal bound relationship.

These eyes were bright, the color of the ocean on a bright sunny day in the summer. Blue as overwhelmingly unrelenting as he had ever seen, something that he couldn't draw his eyes away from, almost hypnotizing him, not relinquishing its grip on his interest, on his curiosity, and something more shocking, his heart.

His heart was beating faster. Much faster.

"...Ryuuzaki?" No, that wasn't right. Not now. "L...?" He didn't know how to respond, how to act. The other wasn't speaking, only staring at him with those wide eyes, like a deer in the headlights. Had he crossed a line, one that he hadn't even seen coming? Stepping closer, feeling as though time had slowed, almost stopped, he reached out to the others shoulder. "If you don't want to sleep..."

As soon as his warm hand made contact, the other flinched in a violent way, shaking his head, and turning away. Walking back to the couch, he sat, in his normal almost frightening way, curled up with his legs to his chest, as if awaiting punishment. Light had never noticed how protective that way of sitting was, how it kept everyone away.

Walking back to his side of the couch, he sat, every move he made slow and careful, as if he were dealing with a wild animal. And that was what L was right now, those blue eyes foreign and unfamiliar, except in that one picture he had seen on the screen the day before, one that BB had provided.

That was it. This wasn't L...Or, to be more precise, it wasn't L anymore. This L had died a long time ago, and was making this appearance due to something that had been done, or said.

A twinge of guilt ran through Light, thinking about it. He had done something to cause this—But there wasn't time to dwell on it.

Feeling as though touching L would only make things worse, he gripped his laptop, and continued typing. He wasn't typing anything in particular, just hitting the keys, and keeping his eyes on L, wondering to himself why he was so frightened.

There was a sense of innocence in L's eyes. As if he wasn't stone cold. And that shook Light to the core.

When he stopped his pointless typing, the room was eerily silent. L only sat curled up, gazing straight ahead, as if trapped. Though, it was hard to say exactly what the other was feeling, when Light wasn't exactly sure what had happened.

He couldn't handle this, he realized, but there was someone who could. Slowly taking out his cell phone, he opened it, tapping the down button through his phone book, and searching for Watari. When he found the name, he hit the green call button quickly, holding it to his ear, and talking in a small whisper.

"Watari, it's Light. I can't talk, just come up here, now."

Closing his cell without waiting for a response, he put it back in his pocket. The tension was horrifying, as if anything would shatter the moment, and send things into chaos.

Without a moments delay, Watari opened the door quickly, loudly—and Light inwardly cursed. He should have told the old man to be quiet. He vaguely thought how horrible it would be if Watari didn't know what to do.

The man didn't waste a moment. Walking over to the pair, he looked at Light in confusion, before glancing to L. And the moment he saw the others eyes, his own breath caught in his throat. It couldn't be...This was impossible, this was in the past. Nothing could send him back into this state, though...He supposed because of events within the last few days, it couldn't be stopped. He hadn't meant for this to happen, not yet, this wasn't the point. It was too soon.

Speaking to Light in a low voice, he gave the young detective instruction. "I cannot separate you two, to do this. I don't know if he wants you to see this side of him, but it cannot be helped. Just, please, do not speak. I will take care of it."

Slightly shaken, Light nodded, watching as Watari kneeled beside L, not touching him, but only looking into those uncommonly blue eyes.

"L?" He paused, thinking of the proper key to unlock the genius detective, so to speak. "How are you today?" It was such a simple question, so unrelated to the problem at hand—and Light looked even more confused by the second.

Silence. Just as he had expected.

"Come now, L...What would you like to do today? Would you like to get some new books, perhaps watch a movie?" Thinking on edge, he gestured to Light. "Play with your friend? I'm sure he would like that, L, wouldn't you like that?"

The blue eyed mess didn't even move his head. This was something that Watari was used to, but he had to push. This couldn't continue. Loathing to say something so private (but remembering that Light had seen the computer screen a few days before), he whispered softly. "You aren't there anymore. You are safe here."

L reacted to this, looking up, bright blue eyes interested, almost relieved. He reached out slowly, for Wataris hand, which the old man accepted, smiling. "How do you feel, L? Tell me. Let me hear that voice of yours, it isn't gone."

Silence—but only for a few moments. "I feel fine, Watari-san." Even his voice held more emotion than usual—However, the words were still obviously hiding something. Watari wouldn't push any more, because he knew that it could end in tears. "Would you like some cake, then? With strawberry?"

L nodded, a smile on his face. A smile that wasn't being stopped by anything, that wasn't at all fake. This was realistic, and it had happened for something as simple as cake. Looking over at Light, he spoke in a childlike voice, smaller, but less robotic. "What is your name?"

Light was completely taken aback. What the hell was happening—Did L have some kind of amnesia, did he forget who he was? Seeing Watari giving him a nod to speak, it took him a few minutes to find his voice, which was a bit smaller than usual. "Light. My name is Light."

The detective nodded his head, saying Lights name a few time, as if to get used to the name on his tongue. Watari nodded at him. "Thats right...Wonderful pronunciation, L. See, you can speak, just fine." Standing with a few cracks along the way, he sighed loudly, ruffling L's hair. "Cake it is."

Walking into the kitchen, the founder of Wammys house opened up the refrigerator, retrieving a piece of strawberry cake, and a fork, putting it on a plate, and knowing that L would be back to normal with its consumption. But it had nothing to do with the cake itself.

Reaching into his pocket, glancing out into the living room to make sure no one was watching, he retrieved a small vial, liquid clear within, and pouring a bit onto the confection quickly, before hiding the mysterious substance again. He heard chatting in the room.

"Are you an orphan too?" L asked Light with honest curiosity. Light was taken aback once again, not knowing whether to lie to this new side of L, or tell the truth. Deciding that truth was always the best policy, no matter what, he shook his head. "No, I'm not. I live with my mother, father, and younger sister."

L's blue eyes widened, and his voice became even smaller. "How did you get out?"

"What?"

"Well...Aren't your mother and father cruel? Didn't they lock you up? It's only normal for parents to do that to their children, to bad children. How did you get out?" The calm blue waters of the others eyes darkened only slightly, as he lowered his gaze. "Watari-san says we are safe here."

There was no way to describe how those words made Light feel. Though he was lost for words, and couldn't understand the meaning of the words for a few moments after, the weight of them nearly knocked the wind out of him, chocolate eyes widening, as though he was seeing something alien, something so completely different from his own view of the world, that his own body didn't know how to react. L...locked up? Got out...escaped?

He suddenly felt some desire to latch onto L and never let go. Because this seemed like a lost child, with no sense of self, no sense of safety, who was looking for sanity.

Could L be considered sane?

A mountain of questions were forming in his mind—Though, luckily, Watari returned with cake, handing it to L, who smiled widely, before beginning to eat, almost like a wild animal, scooping far too much onto the fork and devouring it without manners of any type.

This wasn't the L he knew. And all of a sudden, remembered a few nights before, when the detective had gone for cake in the kitchen, and had eaten this messily as well.

What was happening here?

When he was done, he gave a small hiccup, something that registered in Lights mind as 'cute'--Of course, that wasn't the time to say it out loud. Without warning, L shut his eyes, gasping, before opening them again, only halfway.

Dark. Black. Obsidian. Empty. Those words that could be used to describe L's normal gaze could be used again, the blue gone, replaced by something far less emotionless.

"Delicious cake. Now, back to work. Or, would you like to sleep, Light-kun? You complain of being tired."

Light was gaping, as Watari stood, coughing, and trying to get the wrinkles out of his pressed pants. He left without another word, not wanting to confuse Ryuuzaki further.

"I...Ryuuzaki, you..."

L glanced up, blank look on his china doll face. "Hmm? Is there a problem, Light-kun?"

Would it be wise to bring it up? What if it happened again? From things that he had learned in school, he had a few ideas as to what had just happened—Though, for some reason, even if it attributed it to science and the other mans childhood, it still hurt him to see L so...weak. Helpless.

Scared.

And that was what L had been, because Light wasn't that bad at reading peoples eyes. There had been moisture, unshed tears.

This wasn't over. He would learn more, because he was chained to the unstable man. It was only fair that he understand what was happening. "Nothing, Ryuuzaki. Lets rest, we need to." This time, instead of dragging the other off, he waited for the other to come to the bedroom—with his laptop in tow. Light wouldn't reprimand him this time. If he did, who knows what would happen? He could get those blue eyes back.

Those beautiful blue eyes. The ones that made him feel like he was drowning in them. Though he wasn't afraid.

Because part of him _wanted_ to drown in them.

Ωℓ∞∫≈

As the well dressed old man left the room, Watari whispered to himself, frustrated, almost pained.

"Well, BB...I'm doing what you ask. Be merciful."

ℓ‡≈√

_Rocking, rocking, rocking, back and forth, back and forth, the balls of his feet brushing against the hard floor, eyes darting around, seeing if the things he saw were only in his dreams. Thoughts rushed his mind, and he couldn't decide which one to follow, which ones to trust, which ones could save him from his current situation. But obviously, he had done something wrong, very wrong—Because if that wasn't the case, why wasn't he allowed out? _

_Hot, Hot, always hot. One window, in the Gray room, cinder block walls cracked and harsh, providing no comfort to the young boy, surrounded by book after book. He had read them all by that point, but was allowed no others. That was all he got—All books meant for adults, books on law, books on government, books on history. Books that a normal six year old wouldn't want one bit. What about picture books? Wouldn't that be more suitable? It isn't as though his mother cared. Did he have a mother? _

_He couldn't remember her face. _

_Flipping through the pages, the one lone light bulb giving him barely enough shimmering light to view each word, some in English, and some in other languages that weren't his own. However, he could see through the words, see meaning, no matter in English, French, or German. He could not remember the last time he had heard someone speak more than one word in succession. Words could be spoken, he knew, but that did not matter. What mattered was each day, because he was aware that something was going to happen. In his small body, he felt something wanting to emerge. _

_L sat alone in his small room, no decor, nothing. Alone, he read through each book, each tale of war—From the French Revolution, to the Civil War in America, of all the death and pain humans caused one another, and four words always came to the forefront of his mind. _

_'This world is rotting...'_

_He had learned the meaning of these words. The world was the place where all people lived, where they all shared the land together, where they were supposed to live in harmony. God said they were supposed to share, to love each other. At least, if God was real. Maybe that book 'The Bible' had been fiction—He wasn't sure. _

_And the word rotting meant that it was going bad, going sour, that it wasn't the way it was supposed to be. Of course, L was a bad child, obviously—Why else would he be locked up?--But not everyone could be bad. So, why was war affecting so many? Why were little babies dying, and people who hadn't done anything wrong? _

_Dreams were something that everyone had. And for L, his dream was to make the world a better place. No one would suffer in the world he wanted...He wanted peace, no crime. Crime was a symbol of the weak, and his world would be strong. _

_He didn't want people to die. People didn't deserve it. Though, there must be some way to stop guns from firing, from cannonballs barraging castles, to swords piercing the skin. Some God must hold the power to make the world a better place. _

_Crawling over to his makeshift bed of one blanket and one pillow on the hard stone floor, he curled up, body emaciated, bruised, as he closed his blue eyes shakily, smiling to himself, and saying the same word, over and over in his head as he tried to sleep. _

_'Justice.' _

"_We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries, _

_To thee from tortured souls arise. _

_We sing, but oh the clay is vile, _

_Beneath our feet, and long the mile;_

_But let the world dream otherwise, _

_We wear the mask!" _

_-Paul Laurence Dunbar, "We Wear the Mask"_

Mmm, that may have been confusing. I hope not. Though, this story is a bit of a mystery in itself, and I want to reveal a bit each chapter, right? No fun to reveal everything right away. That chapter was only a tiny bit shorter than the last, due to recent time restraints. However, if you don't mind, I'm going for quality over quantity. Though, if you like, chapters will be becoming longer...

I need comments, I must say. They help. So, if you decide to favorite my story, or add it to alerts (which I love, don't get me wrong), I would like a review along with it. Makes me all warm and fuzzy.

So, which side of L do you enjoy seeing? He is quite a complex character...And Light is a bit lost, though who can blame him? L isn't as emotionless as he seems...

Until next time.


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